Smidge

Whilst I’m formulating a little more perky post than the last one, I’ve stolen this A-Z meme from nuttycow (but she did say anyone could do it, so :p). It’s a bit of an update on the 101 things about me as well. Its my first one! Ive tagged some of you as well, not sure how that actually works – you have to read my site right? anyway, here goes…

A-Z of me

A. Attached or Single? Attached. New-ish (5 months), younger (toy boy), very cute man. I am happy.

B. Best Friend? Erm, I wouldn’t say I had a best friend, I’ve a group of girls friends, any of which I know I can turn to in a crisis. Although this is ever changing dependent on who has fallen out with who at any point in time.

C. Cake or pie? Cake. Currently addicted to frosted cupcakes.

D. Day of choice? Sunday – cooked breakfast, bloody mary, the papers, a curry, cuddles on the sofa and a dvd. Perfect.

E. Essential item? My mobile, id be lost without it. im adicted to the internet, havent worked out how to mobile blog, or i would.

F. Favorite colo(u)r? Black, black, black. Easiest colour to wear – just get up and go. (makes me sound like an ‘emo’. I’m not)

G. Gummy bears or worms? My favorite sweets are Haribo sour mix, so neither.

H. Hometown? I grew up in a tiny little village in Cheshire, but I’ve lived in Edinburgh for my whole adult life, so I consider it home..

I. Favorite indulgence? Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Galaxy, Dairy Milk, im a cheap chocolate ‘ho

J. January or July? It all depends where I am in the world!

K. Kids? Not yet, plan to have some though at some point, but my wee sister has stolen a march on that one.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Cuddles

M. Marriage date? 29/07/2000. (yup! Story for another day – still not divorced)

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 1 – a little sister

O. Oranges or Apples? Apples – Braeburn please

P. Phobias? Cows. Thanks to Google reader I don’t have to actually have to visit Nutty Cows site…

Q. Quotes? ‘All that glitters in not gold, all that wander are not lost ‘ (JJR Tolkein)

R. Reasons to smile? Nice white teeth, a sunny day, my cat Finnegan when he’s playing with my jean hems, my boy

S. Season of choice? Autumn, bright blue skies, frost in the air, new cosy winter coat, crispy leaves to stomp through, dog to walk, conkers!

T. Tag 5 people: how do I do this? Ok, if you read this, you can do it – princess pointfull, wanderlusting, estrella (.)(.), lainey, camels and chocolate

U. Unknown fact about me? I’m adopted.

V. Vegetable? Peas. Mmm with lots of butter and ketchup.

W. Worst habit? Twiddling my hair. I sometimes even put hairspray on it just to pick it out again.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I had an ultrasound last month, total nightmare as they make you drink loads of water and not let you pee. Agony. I haven’t had an x-ray since I fell of the balance beam in gymnastics when I was 10.

Y. Your favorite food? Curry, specifically Sag Aloo, Prawn Puri, Chicken Rogan Josh. Dinner tonight..

Z. Zodiac sign? Gemini. As you can see I can never make up my mind, what my site should look like…

Mwah.

Kx

I have to be honest; things aren’t that great in wee-travelling land and this blog is the first to get dropped off the bottom of my to do list. Basically I just haven’t had the energy for perky happy type posts that I think you might like to read. I’m struggling to be ‘American’ (sorry) and happy to use this blog as therapy.

But sometimes life throws you so many curveballs you just have to start throwing them back.

Admittedly, I may be a little – here it comes – depressed, but I seriously don’t think I’m ready for the men in white coats yet (or even their little white pills). But recently, like death’s scythe, they have been hovering, waiting for the time to be right to cart me off. I’ve been on the verge of tears all the time, of snapping, of slamming doors, or stomping off in a teenage huff. In fact I’m acting just like I did when I was a teenager. 30? More like 15. Complete with stress spots, tummy aches and hair pulling out incidents (another story).

My best mate from uni calls it ‘my boxes’. That I have every little element of my life in a box. When one falls down, they all fall down. It takes a long time to sort them back into nice organised piles. However, I can justify the blubbering and the snot. Things just aint that great right now.

In brief (as not to force You over the edge) Work is shit. Dubai? yes the boss is going on the trip and IM NOT GOING. But I have to do all the work for him as well. Which is total fecking bullshit. I’m also in trouble because of my stupid digestive system and the ineptitude of the NHS I have a scary scary scary sick record. One that in most jobs would have seen me fired. But even my lovely public sector job is starting get annoyed and disciplinary hearing may yet raise its head. Maybe Dubai and this are related. 2+2=4 after all.

I’ve already started working on my CV.

I’m also stuck between a rock and hard place with my group of friends, but I wont go into details as I promised never to blog about them on here (however stupid that may sound – this is my life/my blog, but a promise is a promise) But if any of girls you read this – being lonely just isn’t fun and I need to have friends too.

However, I’m mainly pissed off that my life isn’t where in the normal world it should be. And that is something that people want to commiserate me on. They have to check that at 30 im not married, engaged, kidded up, doggified and a slave to my 50k London salary. And driving an Audi or a Merc.

There is nothing wrong with the choices I have made in MY life. Okay, it isn’t perfect right now, I admit, but at least I am free to make my own choices, not a slave to what should be. So this is my teary eyed, snotty nosed request to all of you out there – go back to worrying about your own life. It aint perfect either.

Thank you for listening, normal service will resume shortly.

Kx

*American Girls by Counting Crows

That my lovely man sending me this (about changing jobs and him being a lazy ass) “the more money u get the better, I’ll wash the kids, the dogs, the cats, the hamsters, the gerbils, the rabbits and the fish will clean themselves.”

Led to gmail having this across the top for the rest of the day….

Genuine Rampant Rabbits™ – www.annsummers.com – Dont be fooled by cheap imitations. Buy Rabbits from Ann Summers

I might pop along just now… who needs boyfriends

Mwah

kx

I was going home for the weekend.

My football team (Macclesfield Town) were playing at home, my sister was over from Oz and my best mate from high school was free for drinks on Saturday night so it seemed the perfect weekend to drive the dreaded M6 in horrendous British monsoon rain.

Oh and I was going to introduce the boy to the family…

It’s a 4 hour drive between my life now and that of my parents I left behind 12 years ago. Honestly? I can’t even aspire to being a small town girl. Of course, the new man had met the big city chick not the village hick. I blew him away** with the look – a very short skirt, knee high boots, leather jacket, Louise Brooks bob. I had successfully pulled the wool over the big city boy’s eyes. Or so I believed. But a trip home would mean my cover would be blown.

My parochial past would be revealed.

Worlds were about to collide.

Dum-dum-duuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm

Ahem. I’m at it again. I saw the new trailer for a Quantum of Solace last night and I woke up this morning wanting to be a bond girl. But I’m a town planner, totally boring, and it’s never going to happen, so let’s start again without the bond girl posturing.

At this point I better explain that alcohol is a major part of any family weekend. So bear with the bullet points. They are kind of a metaphor for how blurry things are in my mind about the weekend that I can only remember snapshots.

- It started so well until the boy (accidentally) trapped my hand in the electric car window at 80 mph on the M8 motorway. And laughed hard.

- But give us a high five (ouch) because despite the atrocious weather we still made the journey in 4 hours – my dad’s record is 3.45 hours, we were so close! And impressed my dad in the process. Drive fast; get in my dads good books.

- All families have foibles. Ours is my dad’s driving. He hasn’t even got in the car before we are all screaming at him to ‘drive slow’ ‘slow down’ ‘dad I feel sick’. This used to be ignored with a perverse passion. But I felt sorry for him this time. He was so brow beaten that even when he stalled the car while reversing (which would usually result in a torrent of abuse) only warranted a meek “I didn’t swear”… poor dad, it feels like his manhood has been chopped off.

- My younger pregnant sister*** made me feel like a washed out 30 year old wreck when she turned up in knee high boots, skinny jeans and those pregnancy tits and turned an entire pub’s attention to her.

- But the boy got massive boyfriend points for not staring at my sisters tits for too long and telling me I looked gorgeous, despite being dressed in the same clothes for the last 14 hours and having gone straight to the pub with no make up on and being faced with my goddess sister.

- Lock-ins at the local pub are even better when you can say fuck you to the smoking ban at the same time.

- A trip home just isn’t a trip home if you don’t go raking through the drawers under your bed for all the old toys and games you left behind when you grew up. However, be careful, you may rake up something you wanted to forget….especially when it involves a story about a toy leopard’s tail, your dad’s tackle and leaping screaming out of bed….

Mwah

Kx

*get the reference folks?

** Admittedly, my first words were “you have gorgeous eyes” followed up by a bout of very teenage snogging. In a night club. Ok, ok, in my defence for behaving like a teenager, he was the most exceptionally beautiful man I had seen in a very long time. Maybe nearly as beautiful as Jared Leto was back in the day. I wasn’t actually that chic.

*** Now, this is the wee sister that always makes me feel like the younger one, the sister with the glamorous Sydney lifestyle (about to buy a harbour apartment, the plastic surgeon husband, the 5 month old mixed raced cutie growing in her tum). Oh I know I’m bitter. But, that’s ok as I’ve dealt with it.

Ca-put laptop (due to the Large Hadron Colander)

+

Trip home to see my parents and my sister’s baby bump

+

Trip to the hospital

+

4 day September holiday weekend

=

12 days without a blog post.

That’s a lot to catch up on….

***Author Note

I know I haven’t written since the woe is me post. No I haven’t topped myself. I’m still here. Surviving, you know how it is. Actually I haven’t been mopping over it at all. I decided to have a “whatever happens, happens” attitude over it all and forgot it. Ill let you know how it turns out. When it turns out that is…

Back in May I wrote this really self-indulgent post about the fact that my innate hatred for brown nosing, climbing the career ladder kind of stuff had got me precisely nowhere.

I’d come to realise that actually working hard work – albeit behind the scenes – just does not work. unless you are an in your face arse, with no qualifications apart from shouting very loudly about how amazing you are, you get precisely nowhere.

There is a lot of bitterness in this post, I know. Bear with me, Yesterday was not a good day.

Amazingly despite the fact i dont ever go around shouting about myself – I got asked to speak (a 40 minute slot) at a conference in Dubai (and they were going to pay for me to go).

Crack open the champagne, career break extraordinaire. Lots of lovely people to network with and hear me speak…

Hold up. Far too good to be true…

The fantastic imaginary future where I get a job in Australia or Canada or the back of this speech soon crumbled back around my ears. Of course I couldn’t go. Seniority applies here. Despite the fact they actually asked for me.

CRAP

Rest of the day? Went kind of like this – lots of bitterness, lots of worthless feeling, lots of yelling at my poor cat, 2 big glasses of wine, hot bath with bubble bath and candles, cuddles from the man telling me I’m amazing and that they still asked for me.

Result – WOE IS FECKING ME.

I guess life can just be a bitch sometimes.

Kxx

Oh Christ. Opening Google Reader is worse than coming home from holiday to a full work email inbox. Not that I had a full inbox because something had fried my computer whilst I was away so I am doing that horrible thing called hot desking. And its making me feel even more disconnected to work than I usually do when I get back from holiday.

And I’m dribbling again…pink fluffy clouds… sorry. Ok. where was I?

Google reader.

My friend and foe… today’s roll…284 blog posts to read.

Grr, you lot out there have been far too busy for my liking. Ok, I do have an excuse as why I am so behind – I was busy sunning myself on a Spanish beach with my hot boy – but come on guys give me a break, I’ve spent all morning trying to catch up with ya’ll. And that’s between trying to get my fried computer fixed and 2 fire alarms this morning. And a stinky cold from someone who sneezed over me in the airport.

Oh and work.

Ahem.

I do so like reading all your posts and i dont comment as much as i would like (sorry) but here
are some highlights of my mornings readings below. In a multi-tasking kinda way it also works as a ‘what blogs i’m into right now’ list and an inventory of some forthcoming posts…

1) First up we have http://startingoverat24.blogspot.com/ writing himself a online dating profile…and deliberating whether he should add on another inch to make himself 5’4. Be proud to be small I say.. I’m also loving this post from him, on shorties getting no love, a topic I have much to discuss on as I am 4’11 myself and have just had a epiphany over dating a guy shorter than 6 foot…more soon

2) Secondly, Camels and Chocolate has a new site. Its yummy. I’m consumed with jealousy for her life. Mine was a bit like it for a while, but 4 weeks a year just isn’t the same. Sigh. Post to come on my recent visit to Palma Mallorca.…

3)Im also loving She likes Purple’s things that life is too short for… particularly … (don’t) “distrust the people in your life. If you don’t have faith in them, let them go”. So true and advice I should heed right now and ask for advice for all of you out there.

4) Its life Jim on younger men, there is another Mrs Robinson out there then…my advice? A 5 year age gap is no bad thing…oh and think of all that stamina! And hotness… mmmm

5) Wanderlusting making me realise that slowing down and thinking about life is a good thang sometimes. I hope she doesn’t mind me quoting her, but I loved this bit “I need quiet evenings and moments dispersed throughout my days, so I actually FEEL time around me. You know, when you just sit and you can actually feel like you are here, in the moment, feel like you are living and breathing and all of that.”

And to finish, some quickies that made me laugh…

6) Alice‘s blonde exploits. Don’t worry chick, its not just blondes that do things like this.

7) A martini always helps finding a grey hair. HA (sorry) I’m not the only one who now has to dye their hair.

hijinks ensued getting caught skinny dipping.

9) more men for Estrella – I just don’t know how she does it!

10) and finally finally.. I love the photos of the dressed up pets on Pretty in the City. Does anyone have any websites for outfits for Cats? I need a Halloween outfit for Fin…

And on that note..

Mwah

Kx

P.s.. do you like my new pensive profile pic?