This has to be advertising for Lego – doesnt it?
A giant lego man has washed up on Brighton Beach, supposably from Holland (this is now thought to be tit for tat after one washed up there with the words “no real than you are”)
love it
kx
I never though that I would find her.
Actually I thought that she would find me. For some reason I though that I would get a knock on the door and she would be just standing there. It’s never happened, i’m still expecting it though, although the postman now thinks I fancy him.
I got an email about a year ago from someone who said she knew her. Yes, knew her, in that she was dead. Died 2 years ago in fact. My half brother died the year before from a drug overdose. However I still have a younger half sister. Well that is what she said. She never replied to my email back.
I’ve posted messages on hundreds of forums over the years, my email address keeps going out of date, and each message is a good record of how I was feeling at the time.
Take this one; I was 18 at the time.
“looking for ——– ——, i just want to talk to you, I don’t want to hurt you”.
I don’t think I was thinking straight, it actually makes me seem like a stalker.
I’m older now; it’s probably 10 years since I began hearing the knock at the door. I tell myself that the search is for the sake of my future kids. That I need to know if i’ve inherited more than just brown hair, brown eyes and a short stature. However, if i’m honest to myself, it because I want to see someone who looks like me, that when I look in their eyes i see someone who is part of me looking back. I’ve never wanted to be a famous face. Actually without it sounding like a cheesy cliché, i’ve just wanted to be a recognisable face to someone.
I wonder sometimes if there is anyone else out there who feels like me. So I go back on the forums and read other peoples messages. They all seem so sad. So many people looking for their missing links. I think reading the forums is my dirty secret. I’m always thinking that I will recognise someone on there, that i could help them where I never been helped. That I could be the missing link. But like my story, I never can help. There are just too many people out there looking for someone.
I’ve called this ‘search search survive’, after the Tricky song. The next line of the song goes: say you’re lucky alive.
Kx
Things i’ve liked this week (some of them rather a lot…check you lovely lucas)
- Pics of Edward James Olmos by Camels and Chocolate– swoon. When oh when will BSG be back on our screens? Whine, moan, whine*.
(*Ok, I know it’s making a return in January before someone goes off and Google’s it, plus there is a TV movie coming out next year….with another of my favourites Dean Stockwell)
- This blog – i’m in love with my best friend maybe it’s because everyone is raving about it but I need something to read when i’ve exhausted the 80 of you I have on my reader.
- That it’s snowed in London and it hasn’t here in Edinburgh yet. Its fecking freezing tho and my new cape (despite being in Grazia magazine this week as a Halloween must have) just doesn’t keep out the cold as well as it should.
- ‘Its life Jim’ getting all angry with Myleen Klass. You go girl. Girls who show off in bikini shoots should have no place on a fashion show about ‘real’ beauty.
- That I’ve finally got into Spooks. But I hate they killed off Adam (Rupert Penry-Jones, phroawwww). I was in love already and so it seems was nutty cow. I am being consoled by thoughts of Richard Armitage as lovely Lucas – what tattoos! Plus I have 7 series to catch up on, more than I have to with Entourage.
- How cute these Halloween kids costumes are. I still need a costume for Halloween on Friday… any ideas?
- Getting an extra hour in bed last Sunday….the whole day felt longer and more luxurious. Although it hasn’t got through to my cat yet and that his usual waking me up for breakfast is now a whole hour earlier than it used to be (is that right? I was 6 am this morning anyway and he used to wake me up at 7)
Oh and a question to you cat owners out there… do you think that cats purposely lick their noses so they are especially wet when they stick them in your face to wake you up?
Mwah
Kx
Ordinary things have been given a magical makeover. The showers that drown me and make my feet squelch make the granite pavements sparkle with dancing light. The blue skies captured over the city are windswept and wild, leaves are soggy underfoot and scarves whip in the wind.
Autumn frames pictures everywhere I look.
Autumn brings the changing of the clocks – the harbinger of the season of navel gazing, of pasta, of potatoes, of sticky toffee pudding warm from the oven. I pinch two inches and complain im getting fat. I’m drained from forcing my way along the high street in the stinging rain. I know im going to catch the flu. I wish I could hibernate until the bluebells return.
Winter is coming.
Small things matter. The fire on when I get home. Bangers and mash after a wild walk along the beach. Realising just how many herbs and spices go into making your own mulled wine and still buying them, as it has to be just right. Arguing about who is going to cook Christmas dinner. And wash up. Watching the lights go on in the trees, Christmas markets and wooden toys. Of Hogmanay ceilidhs to come, kilts to be worn, sequins to buy.
Small things matter when the nights get dark and the waiting for the New Year begins, small things matter as I wait to start afresh in spring.