Hello, goodbye, you know you made us cry
I know I should be angry, bitter, calling him names, burning – cutting – ripping up our photographs (deleting ‘us’ from Facebook isn’t quite the same) but the emotion I feel the most right now is shame; not anger.
Shame is uncontrollable. Shame washes over you, reddening cheeks, waking you up in the night in a hot sweat. Shame makes you feel so stupid, so gullible, so embarrassed. Shame can’t be fixed with a hug, with company, with “whatever will be will be” and “there is always more fish in the sea”. I feel very alone in my bubble of shame.
So, no, it’s not anger that I feel. I don’t have any right to be angry with him for making the right choice for him. I’ll take honesty over platitudes every time. Straight up, black and white “I just don’t see a future” is better than “it’s not you, it’s me”. It would be duplicitous for me to complain, having done the same, but worse to someone else before.
So yes, I feel shame. Maybe even that karma has come back to revenge on me. But no, i’m not angry, and I guess in time even the shame will fade.
Kx
As a late P.S (if you use readers you probably wont see this) I got this from The Universe today…
“… often you can tell which of your new friends, old friends, and former friends still love you, Wee-H, because they’re the ones who ask for nothing. Or come running when you ask”
Thanks guys x
Sorry to hear your news.
No doubt (as these things tend to be fated to be. . .) the right choice for both parties has been made.
Hope things go right for you as well – I have added wee-travellings to my Reader to keep abreast of developments.
Best wishes
Dungeekin
*Hugs*
Am so sorry to read this ;o(
Now you can move on and find your own place and self again.
Take care of you now.
I’ll keep checking back to see how you are doing.
Best Wishes Amanda x
Never feel shame, you have done nothing wrong. His choices are not your fault x
On the contrary, I think that one should embrace Shame when she comes along. Live it, feel it, do what she tells you to do, but only for a moment. That way she is easier to let go. That way she is easier to walk away from. You mustn’t get caught up in the lies that she will tell you if you let her stick around and have breakfast with you.
Your friends will embrace you and having spent a NYE in Edinburgh, you will be far from alone.
Oh no! I just read your post after the weekend. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know I’ve been off the radar for a while on the bloggin front but I’m still here reading.
Thinking of you
CP x
Bummer…Things can only get better, right?! Braeking up always sucks, but we always make it through. Hope things get better for you! :)
I think you’re a stronger person than me. I didn’t feel shame. I felt anger. And did and said some horrible things to him. Which I now regret bitterly.
Chin up little one xx
That’s stink, hon. Take comfort in the fact that you are wicked cute and a rather talented writer. *hugs*
Having been in the position of being told someone doesn’t see a future with me too, I know how you feel. I wish I could have dealt with it this calmly. Hopefully next time I will. Of course I need to find someone else first in order to deal with the break-up again . . . I hope you feel better soon.
I don’t know what to say apart from thanks! dungeekin thanks, yep you are right and thanks for the add. Hedgewydth its a good place to start from, i guess the only place is up. lizsara i know, but its better to feel shame rather than humiliate myself with anger after all. tara such wise words, what a star you are!josh, i’ve managed before here, ill manage again, wherever you live its daunting! catspukehope you are ok too? Looking forward to you blogging again! kylie i know i will. Match.com anyone? helen my chin is up. I guess i’m so ashamed all i’m thinking about is saving face! sarah von wow thanks hon, what a compliment! I’m sure its pain that makes me write, i’m not sure what’ll happen when i’m all good again! paula thank god looking for a man is not at the forefront of my mind right now. In my head i’m not dealing with it as well as i write about it. At all. :)
Awww lady! So sorry to hear your news.
I know you’ll be fine…each day will get better. And it looks as though you’ve got a lot of support here.
Hope you’re ok.
x
I am so sorry to hear your news! Breaking up is always the worst thing in the world….for the time being of course. When my ex and I broke-up in March I had a nervous breakdown, and I felt shame too. I am just now able to openly talk about what happened and what I went through. You will be fine someday, I won’t lie and says it’s gonna be soon, but it will come.
wow, i’m actually overwhelmed by the response! Thanks so much guys. miss america it is getting better every day. kenyata welcome and thanks for your comment! I’m sorry hon, maybe i’m a being a bit cold about it all, but i guess its a defense mechanism! A piece of advice i was given by a friend was to always look my best cos you never know who you are going to meet!
Just discovered your blog. love it and am very sad to hear your news. Im sure it means something better is coming along though!
Chin up,
B.x
Shame is one of the most useless emotions, as well as one of the hardest to shake. I hope you are being good to yourself right now– you deserve it. xoxo