It seems it’s de rigueur to write ‘a review of the year’ post; to drag back through the memories stored on your own corner of the internet and repackage them into bite size morsels for final ingestion and digestion as the bells strike 12, Auld Lang Syne is sung again and 2008 goes the same way as the rest – into the archives.

I’ve got to come clean though, as despite the amount of emotional vomit that I’ve spewed on here on a weekly basis (sorry, that’s one awful analogy) you could accuse me of gross misrepresentation because actually in real life this year hasn’t been quite the annus horribilis I’ve described.

Actually, I can finally admit, that behind the scenes it’s been a pretty good one.

If not to sound like a walking cliché 2008 has been a year of learning about myself, learning that I am able to do things on my own, be on my own, travel on my own and stand on my own two feet. It’s been a year of good lessons.

Watching my little sister get married through a haze of snotty tears was probably the biggest turning point this year. Despite her morbid choice of dancing tunes (Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and Happy Ending by Mika), bitter jealousy of her perfect day, dress, figure, life, man and now forthcoming bambino, its gave me something to aspire to, to not just go with the flow, to not hold myself back, to actually go out and get my dream, my life, to not just be a part of someone else’s.

If the wedding made me realise what I wanted, then it was a being let down by a friend that made me realise I could actually go out and get it. Maybe I did only travel on my own for 3 weeks, maybe I wasn’t a proper backpacker in some people’s eyes, but I did it, I got on those buses, stayed at those hostels, partied with all forms of the age spectrum, lay on an Australian beach under the stars and dealt with a Huntsman spider without screaming. Oh and hit up Tokyo on my own. I’m proud of myself for feeling the fear and running with it.

Of course the biggest milestone in anyone’s year is not NYE but their birthday. This years was particularly epic as I’ll now be ticking the ‘under 40’ box on forms, keeping hairdressers busy colouring my rapidly greying hair, and will be keeping to my first ever diet. Strangely, I actually enjoyed turning 30 in June; archiving a whole decade was bloody cathartic but being asked for ID to buy alcohol on my 30th birthday gave me infinitely more pleasure.

Of course 2008 also brought its tough times, but today I can even put a positive spin on them.

I broke up with someone for the first time this year. Not a mutual agreement. Just me saying, no I don’t want you anymore. I was humbled by the hurt I inflicted and when it happened to me just 3 weeks ago I found I was strong enough to realise that ‘here is the rest of my life in your hands’ type relationships really need both people to be ready for a future together, that both people need to put in 100% effort.

But 2008 was really all about how resilient I could be. Facing up to the fact that I could have cancer is the hardest thing I have ever done. In any of my years to date. Ok, actually maybe that would be all the camera tests (revolting) but I’m managing to not bury my head in the sand about it all and hope that it might go away if I ignore it. It hasn’t. It won’t. January will bring more tests, but up to now they are all coming back clear and for that I am very thankful.

And now to 2009.

In 12 hours time the champagne will have been drunk, the party poppers popped, and the resolutions broken. Ill have sung Auld Lang Syne for the 12th time. The 1st of January will dawn fresh and new, a clean slate to be dirtied with bad behaviour and a chance to make more inappropriate choices.

Happy New Year everyone!

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right gude willy waught,
For auld lang syne.

Kx

P.S a translation for non Scots….. and here’s my hand my trusty friend and give me yours…and we’ll take a right good-drink, for times gone by. …I think I prefer the way Burns says it!