The gap between contentment and sorrowfulness is closer than clicking up a speed on your vibrator – some days it can only take a bit of blue sky, a smile on the bus or an extra chance to kiss your boy goodbye to make the world seem a better place. Or maybe, as in my case, it’s hitting pay dirt logging into statcounter to watch a lurker go nowhere. Or to sound less malicious, it’s the freshness of a change of scene away from invading parties that left a shadow over your space.

Actually, I got over the disappointment in myself that I rejoice in bully’s failing in life a long time ago. These days I watch out for karma coming around to bite someone in the ass safe in my foresight that they deserved it.

Being little (and without any obvious ugly stick beatings and a popularity with the boys for more than my tits) meant that school for me was a gauntlet of shoves, hair pulling, ink squirting and never ending repeats of the mantra that sticks-and-stones-may-break-my-bones-but-words-will-never-haunt-me.  

Yes, ok, you pedantics out there, I know that should say “hurt me”, but haunt seems so much more appropriate. And haunt me they have. I’m having to relearn that I’m a good person, that I’m deserving of friends. That people who clique, follow the crowd, feel like their way of dealing with people is adult and mature and right is not the only way to go about things. That in life, when you reach a crossroads, you can actually say goodbye and confidently take the other path in the knowledge that you aren’t wrong – just different.

Today, i’m happy to be different, i’m happy to be starting to forge my life. I’m just happy.

Kx