don't forget that you're condemned to me…
1. Thou shalt not try to talk to me whilst the following programmes are on TV: Hollyoaks, Come Dine with Me, Masterchef, University Challenge or football games involving Aberdeen or Liverpool FC. You can however go to the shop and get fags and chocolate for me while I sit there with my feet up.
2. Thou shalt not complain about my total and utter addiction to reading emails, Facebook, Twitter and Google Reader on my mobile phone every 5 minutes. I pay the bill not you. Remember that occasionally i’m reading literotica.com and that will be of benefit to you later.
3. Thou shalt not call me a geek because I read science fiction books with space craft on the front cover or because I like Battlestar Gallactica, Firefly or Millennium. Or get wierded out on the occasions when I watch Gossip Girl, 90210, the OC or Skins and read Louise/Tilly Bagshaw or Tasmina Perry instead. I’m a girl, I’m complicated, and that’s why you go out with me.
4. Thou shalt let me sleep with the following celebrities if I ever met them: Jamie Bamber, Nathan Fillion, Jonathan Rhys Meyers or Kate Beckinsale (yes I know that’s a girl, but she’s hot).
5. Thou shalt not complain when I sleep with my back to you in bed, snore, let my cat sleep under the covers next to me curled up behind my knees, fall asleep with the light on, or read until 3am. It is a privilege for you to get into my king sized bed with me and there is plenty of room for you and the cat.
6. Thou shalt not complain when I have made home made spicy lamb burgers and they aren’t spicy enough for you when your version of cooking is sticking frozen chips, frozen onion rings, frozen southern fried chicken things and garlic bread in the oven. At least I try to make things from scratch, have a heart and eat them all up like a good boy. Plus, yes I eat weird things like scotch eggs and cocktail sausages with ketchup. Get over it.
7. Thou shalt give me warning when you wish to have a boy’s night out or in. Talking about the weekend all week and then dumping me at the last minute to get pissed with the boys is not cool. Nor is texting me about how horny you are throughout the night and getting a taxi to mine at 3am and then pass out instead of giving me the good stuff. You can however continue to scrape me off the street when i’ve had 2 bottles of wine and a jeagerbomb and need to go home before midnight. Again.
8. Thou shalt listen to me rant about whichever of my friends I have fallen out with this week, complain about having no good friends, pat me on the back and tell me it will all be fine and that i’m lovely, buy me toffee cup cakes to make me feel better, run me a bath with candles and hand me a glass of red, like you do every time it happens, which is at least once a week. You shalt ignore the fact I act like a child to deserve all this.
9. Thou shalt not laugh at the fact I do no exercise what-so-ever and that I think walking is for fools. I know that I can canoe, run, rock climb, abseil, swim, play hockey, do circuit training like an expert, hip hop dance, dance in general, horse ride, but keep putting them off until next week. Have a heart boy its -1 degrees outside. Start nagging again in June. Yes I procrastinate, but that’s a major part of me!
10. Thou shalt love me for exactly who I am, like I do with you.
AMEN.
I might steal this and do my own if you don’t mind…. xx
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You are welcome, link back to me and it can be a tagging thing
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Love #2…I’m with you all the way!…just every 5 minutes tho??? ;o)
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F*ckin’ love your “commandments”!!! This gives me a post idea about the “rules” my hubs has to follow to keep me happy. Beacuse, after all, that’s what life is all about. Me being happy! (And lazy!) I will let you know when I get it ready and tag you in it also. Have a great day!!
xx Ky
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You’re lucky, Literotica is one of those sites that 3 has blocked!
I’m tempted to link this when I guest-edit the Scottish Blogging Round-up in a couple of weeks, but that might defeat the purpose of your anonymity
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Last years girl: A service provider blocks content???? Thought they couldn’t do that here…you are in the UK??
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Gemmak Yes, I am. They say it’s because people under 18 could otherwise access the content, but really it’s because they want to charge you to access their own pornographic materials. And sometimes they can be a little too eager to block…
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Last Years Girl Ppbbtt….I’d change provider, sharpish! Whats a girl to do without Literotica?! ;o)
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last years girl they have linked to my old site before. To be honest the few people i didnt want to read this blog wouldnt find me through that (and its only them i dont want to read, not me being annoymous totally!)
Im glad to see other people apart from me like literotica!
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I love your “commandments”! Absolutely brilliant!
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Sweet! I found you. New location is top secret and only the very worthy cracked the secret handshake, yes? (Say yes, it’ll be good for my ego.)
I’ll freaking fight you for Jamie Bamber, girlie. Dukes up.
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Here you are!! *adds new address to reader*
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A Why thank you, feel free to do your own for a laugh
TishTash He is mine (not his wife’s)! Yep, this is the secret Smidge club. I have a no stalker policy (woo hoo for ban ip at WordPress), cool people only and my handshakes involves lots of snapping fingers and making the V sign…
Miss Em hello, welcome, thanks for making the trip!
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If those are the rules, remind me never to sleep with you!
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I love your commandments!! I should draw some of my own up, to implement when I finally meet a man worthy of my attentions!
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ooh i like this list go girl!
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Sounds like a pretty good boy you have there… does he really need these?
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For those who might not realise, this was a joke post for my boy as he’d been winding me up! He does do all the lovely things for me i mentioned
oh and he says he might do his version for me to post, so watch this space!
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Wow, and i thought the original commandments were fun killers.
Though having said that it seems that your boy is allowed to kill, covet your neighbours and steal stuff so life under your rules sounds ok.
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Josh I read porn on my phone, watch football, I cook from scratch, i get steaming drunk like a teenager and demand sex… whats not to love?
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