You’re leaving me here, dear, alone with all my wrongs
Today has been a headachy, stressful kind of day, where I have been mainly been bitching in my head about people. So, when perusing LilLu’s Blog I saw that she had followed a prompt from the Twenty Something Writer’s site it seemed to fit my mood perfectly.
The prompt: – “We all have something we want to say to someone. Maybe it’s someone in your life now. Or, maybe it is something you wish you said to someone who is no longer in your life. It could even be Mr. /Ms. Random Person that you saw in the local coffee shop today. What do you want to say that you were never able to? You can leave the person(s) identity anonymous, if you’d like. Feel free to feature more than one person. Do it in letter form or any form you prefer. Show us that creativity!”
I decided to follow Lilu’s lead and write to a few people. So this is what i would say if i had stood up to the people who had hurt me in my life (and none of them are to regular readers)…so no getting huffy…
…..I still care a lot for you even though I know it was me who ruined our relationship. I know that I did this purely through my apathy and indifference towards you. Looking back you weren’t the drain on me I thought you were, i’m sorry.
…..I was upset on Sunday when I made the effort to call and you could barely manage a thanks and a hello. I was disappointed in you, I thought that you might realise how lonely I feel with all of you over there.
…..I’m not sorry I said ‘no’ to you today and dropped you in it. Over the last three years I have had to watch you succeed despite having no talent and no ability apart from only the gift of bullshit, backstabbing and lying. So I decided, it’s over, i’m not going to be your scapegoat anymore, that its time to stand on your own, expensively shod feet and work for your money for once. Oh and be careful, next time I wont hold back in letting people see who you really are.
…..You don’t shine as bright as you think you do.
…..Thank you for dumping me for ‘better’ friends as soon as you could, you made me realise I didn’t want or need you either.
…..Your comments about me having being on ‘good form recently’ (on nights out) have upset me, was I not a fun companion on nights out before?
…..I’m glad I married him, as I had the big wedding you wanted; now it means I can do it my way, properly, for real, for life next time; without all the fanfare.
…..Thank you for spending high school bullying me, sticking glue in my hair, ink on my shirt and bruises on my legs as I don’t think I would have moved to Edinburgh if you hadn’t. Even if back then it was running away, today I am strong, confident and better than you.
…..I’m glad I finished with you, although I have no idea why I didn’t do it sooner, when I thought you looked like an alien and repulsed me in bed.
…..I never loved you, although i said i did, i now know what love is and what we had wasnt love.
So there you go, If you want to do this prompt too, don’t forget to link back to their site – Twenty Something Writers
Kx
P.s – Emma from Because I like Waffles and Blethers gave me the Honest Scrap award - thanks Emma! I’m meant to write 10 things about me, but i’ve done it loads of times and as there are 10 things above, i think that’ll do.
oh goodness, I don’t know if I could do that! I think I try and forget all the people who have hurt me!
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I often write letters that never get sent, a way of getting things off my chest, hope you don’t mind but here’s one from a while back for you to read:-
26-10-2k
A letter from my head (unsent)
I’m always angry with myself after I’ve given you a hard time, be it about smoking or when I (in my so called infinite wisdom) think you’re letting someone take advantage of you, the driveway, the boat, the Admiral, you know the story.
But I’m a hypocrite, I make all the same kind of mistakes in one fashion or another, and I get irritated with myself to the point of mentally persecuting, or chastising myself so that nobody else could run me down better than I do myself.
Knowing this as I do makes it worse still when I have a pop at you. If we’re beating ourselves up already, then someone else joining in is hardly going to make us feel better, and serves no useful purpose.
They say the people closest to you are the ones you hurt the most, well that’s right, but it works the other way too. It’s only concern that drives us, but unfortunately this sometimes manifests itself into something ugly, such as the false belief that we have the right to judge. Clearly we don’t, the man that never made a mistake never made anything.
You know how much I despise authority, so I of all people should be the last person to try and impose my will or judgement on another. You and Ma have been and still are hugely tolerant of me, and I think I understand how now, built up over the years of raising us, and here I am, still an apprentice. Basically, if I can do half as well as you have, then I could at least allow myself to feel proud.
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I’m so glad you did this- it’s so powerful, isn’t it?? Invigorating? Good for you, love.
Don’t forget to comment your link on the prompt’s site, too, so they know you did it!
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I believe this could be a very freeing post. I think I’m going to have to work on one. Great work!!
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i LOVE your blog layout!
sometimes i wonder if i haven’t really loved, and i don’t really know what love feels like. my favorite was to the highschool bully.
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I did this too…it was so theraputic. I’m loving the honesty and the feeling that you have moved on and can look back in different lights now x
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It is therapeutic, getting rid of all that anger. But i felt that i held back somewhat, maybe i should do it again in a few weeks to see if i can regurgitate anymore painful stuff that has been hanging around..
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