There are a million princesses out there and not enough like you for boys like me
In November last year, I wrote one of my favourite blog posts I’ve ever written; the post ‘mmm..gonna try with a little help from my friends’ was a cry for help, a call for advice. Looking back, I remember scoffing at your answers; not taking them seriously and indeed in the depth of being dumped right before Christmas forgetting all about them.
But then a recent search brought one visitor to my site looking for the answer to “why do tomboys usually become lesbians?*” and it reminded me of it; it made me realise that deep in my heart I always assumed (as i’ve put it to many people) I’m “a boy in a girl’s body”.
I’ve always thought that I fancied girls more than men; (Kate Beckinsale is top of my top 5) that women were hotter in porn, in movies, in music; that men were there to be ‘friends’. (Indeed that is how each and every one of my relationships have ended up, the sex dwindling away to nothing, Saturdays spent on the terraces rather than shopping for sexy underwear treats.) I’ve never seen myself as a girl, and in turn I always thought I had potential to ‘come out’ as it were.
So now is that time.
Ha! Had a heart attack yet? I’m only teasing; i’m not outing myself as being a lesbian, but as being straight.
It’s a strange epiphany to have, a major change in perception for me. I honestly thought that one day I’d stop messing around with guys and get the girlfriend I always thought wanted but was way to scared to try out. But as i’ve grown older, become more confident in my skin and how I see myself – being attractive and being attracted, its men that I see myself with.
But whatever advice I ask for, however much I think I desire to change I’m honestly never going to wear fake tan, bronzer, manicure my nails, pluck my eyebrows or straighten my hair everyday. I’m never going to stop being a wall flower next to some girls. But that is ok. I can look good in my own way.
So, over the course of the weekend, I gave both the cleavage and the legs an outing just for a bit of a shake up, a bit of a reminder to myself that, despite how differently my mind works, that I do have a girls body, that I deserve to treat myself like one, that beneath the tomboy skin lies a sensitive soul that needs to be found attractive – and that really deep down I am a girl.
Oh and the Boy needs me to look like a hot girl once in a while. And hot I did.
Mwah
Kx
*i’m trying not to worry about the other Google searches – “backstabbing sluts” “how to make a girl fuck happy” “hard fast sex” “drink girl fucking” and “make a girl do anything”.
Sometimes, it’s nice to get all dressed up, even if it’s something you wouldn’t usually do x
I’m right there with ya in the fact that I’m not one to get all gussied up unless I have to. Hubby would probably love to come home and have me in something other than sweats and a t-shirt but, it’s what I’m most comfortable in. I own a blow dryer and curling iron but I haven’t even unpacked them since we moved almost a year ago! Oh, well. I’m me…take it or leave it is my motto!
Makes you wonder how many girls go through exactly the same ‘identity’ issue and declare themselves gay without really considering that they might just be a bit of a tomboy… Probably where the whole bisexual thing comes from.
Jo: Well I’m openly bi, and one of the girliest girls you will ever meet (well, in certain aspects anyway – I barely know what bronzer is, but I can rock the glitter eyeshadow like nobody’s business :p).
I’m all for getting dressed up from time to time – it’s fun! And you’re a wee stunner anyway, K :)
To me, the important thing is, no matter who you are, that you are comfortable in your own skin. And that, it seems, you are. Go you!
PBB I agree, i actually love getting properly dressed up as its so rare its fun.
Kylie Haha! I do use a hairdryer every day, i am a little vain after all.
Jo Interesting, maybe because people tease them for being a ‘lesbo’ then the bi thoughts start appearing. “Oh if i look like one/act like one, i must be one?” Or maybe they, like me, are a bit greedy!
LY’G I didnt know that! (am stupid) and thanks for the compliment!
Nilsa I might be shy and retiring and uncomfortable in public, but im not concerned with my actual appearance, i cant change it, so why worry!
You care too much what people think (like me!) but try not to because you’re a top lass!
I’m still writing your guest blog btw! Sorry it’s taking forever xxx
Me! But im learning not to, its hard tho especially when you’ve had to move on from friends and are still finding your feet!
P.s hurry up on that guest post ;)
I know but I’m still here to kick you into action! :P
I had this epiphany too this year!
After years of thinking I might be a bit gay it dawned on me that I just don’t fancy men. Just because I like flowers and scatter cushions and candles and other things that men aren’t ‘supposed’ to like it doesn’t mean I’m gay.
It’s your life, just live it :)
Ermm, I really don’t know how to answer that on the public internet!
electrosonic ;)
Electrosonic but do you swallow?