But baby just when this world seems mean and cold
Before you start to read, this is an update post on a heavy topic, i could private it, but I need to talk about it somewhere and these things in my mind should be out there and heard. So bear with me if you please. If you want to catch up, I suggest you read this post first, oh and then this one. Thanks.
So, I should be writing in detail about how I feel about yeaterday’s ‘shock’ that made me smoke 3 fags last night and eat two cupcakes today, but to be honest I’m hoping its just another insensitive letter from the NHS calling me in for another operation with no explanation further than ‘abnormalities’. As a friend said today via email “a little bit of clarification goes an awfully long way”.
But, as to date every other ‘abnormality’ that they have found or removed has been nothing serious, I’m trying not to upset my IBS by stressing out too much, or looking things up on the internet. These things move so slowly, that unless they have missed something the first time around, this is all precautionary and there is no need for fear. I guess hope in this situation is all I have. But hope in the NHS? A joke in a post about cancer? Yes, I just made one. Anyways, as I said, I’m trying not to worry ‘too much’ and ‘yet’. It’s only human to worry a little bit, I guess.
So that’s all I’m going to say about it. That’s all I have to say about it, I’ve made my point in the past about this whole thing; but I thought id just, well, let you know, an update. Anyway as you can probably guess, last night I broke the smoking fast to keep myself calm; so, I’m feeling rather disappointed with myself today. But whatever; the smoking caused it in the first place, they are going to remove all the bad shit, ill give up, problem solved.
Yes, I really am that flippant today.
Kx
I’ve been going thru quite the same thing over the past few years.
I wish I had words to comfort you, or that I could say that everything is going to be okay, or that it is probably nothing, but I can’t.
Things will PROBABLY be okay, and it MIGHT be nothing, but even if it’s nothing you still have to worry that it comes back or they missed something or whatever.
I do have words to say that you are not alone in this, and it fucking sucks, and here I am half way around the world living the same damn bullshit every day of my life taking some kind of solace in knowing that I’m not the only one in existance with this problem that no one wants to talk about and every time you bring it up to someone they look at their shoes and try not to think about the inside of your vagina while they hug you.
*hug*
Oh hun I’m sorry to hear that. And don’t berate yourself for slipping back to smoking. A shock is a shock. I’d probably have eaten my body weight in cheese and drunk 2 bottles of wine. You know where I am if you need a chat xx
Pretty much what Helen says. And keep us posted. And you are in my thoughts xx
I believe the appropriate phrase for the NHS in this case is:
Stupid fxxing knob jockeys
However, while i don’t blame you for smoking, don’t let stress be the thing to make you start again. there’s always stress and excuses and you’ve done so well, keep going x
Honey, not cool.
I’m not going to be able to say anything useful, and that you haven’t already thought or had said to you.
So just know that I’m thinking of you. x
lora You are certainly not alone, this is so common, but we never talk about it (especially since the media have blamed it on HPV as a sexually transmitted disease). If you have HPV and cervical problems then you are a slut. Hey NO! Im sending hugs your way, at least they have caught ours early and we will be fine.
Bren, Helen, LYG, Lainey Thanks you are all wee stars xx
LizSara I know, there will always be something ‘stressful’ that i can blame not giving up smoking on, im trying, honest!
girl, i’ve had HPV in my eye. When my doc told me that I was mortified and said “holy crap! what the hell do you think i’ve been doing!”
I wondered if HPV and cervical cancer was billed as “Slut Cancer” over there too, or if it was just the ultra-Conservative US Healthcare system trying to keep us from having sex until marriage.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I don’t have HPV. But when I tell people I have cervical cancer/issues, they assume I do. Even doctors. It is enough to make me nuts.
We’ve talked about this “offline” (although technically it was still online, of course). It’s rubbish; it’s scary; there is damn near nothing that anyone can do to really take that worry away – but that’s ok. I think you’re holding it together much more impressively than I managed!
Anyway, you know where to find me… x
Goodluck with everything.
Please don’t look things up on the internet. I am a nurse, but I am also a hypochondriac. When I got diagnosed with GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) while in nursing school, I looked up stuff on the internet and freaked myself out. I talked myself out of a gastroscopy. The reason I just realized. It’s not that I am scared of the procedure (okay I am a little), but I am scared that I might have Barrett’s Esophagus or Esophageal cancer.
Goodluck with all the testing and whatever the results are, we are all here to listen.
Here’s hoping the results turn out to be rather less abnormal than they could be. x
*luck*
Thinking of you. Keep us updated.
lora they havent even tested me for hpv as far as i know, just blamed it on the smoking, which i know is just as bad.
bluesoup inside i am worrying – a lot!
Sarcasticim sick to the back teath of tests for various things and no real results. Im half wanting them to find something so they can fix me rather than going on like this!
Jo and Nuttycow Thanks girls… i will x