sunshine on a rainy day makes my soul drip drip away…
Happily the black cloud that has been hovering in my head for the last few days has abated somewhat. I’m not entirely sure why it appeared, but I do know that it delivered some rather freezing, but refreshing rain which, whilst depressing for both anyone still reading this blog and me, formed the required grieving process for the friendship slash and burn I so dramatically carried out a couple of days ago, but refrained from blogging about.
Cutting friends from your life is never going to be easy (even if these days it only requires a few mouse clicks) and for someone like me whose insecurities arise from a lack of perceived friendships turned out to be emotionally harder than you’d think.
Even if I had had closure in real life, I was finding it almost impossible to stop myself from spying into their lives online (for someone who can’t let go, something like facebook is akin to the habits of rabbits). But once I started to remove people, I found I couldn’t stop. Click. Goodbye. Click. Senora. Click. You haven’t spoken to me in 6 months. Click. Do I even know you? Click, click, click; nearly 30 people later I felt rather liberated, rather proud of myself. A little ‘high’ if you will.
Of course that was never going to last. Yesterday was the come down, the realisation that over the last year I’d lost nearly 30 people from my life, 30 people who had moved on and forgot about me, 30 people that wouldn’t even notice if I deleted them from facebook. And yes, that made me a little sad. I guess it would make anyone a little sad.
But then it hit me, a new follower on twitter sent me this message today: “I have to say, you sound a lot more chipper on Twitter than your blog bio would lead one to believe…”
That’s because it’s true!
But this blog has become a place for me to wallow, to moan, and to feel sorry for myself. So, It’s time for me to reclaim it back again. Break the writes block that has me stuck on ‘blue’. Life for me is not all doom and gloom, in fact quite the opposite and this blog should reflect that.
Kx
P.s and hopefully some of my readers might come back again (if I haven’t made them hang themselves already…)
If those thirty people don’t care enough to notice, then I’d just consider it natural wastage and their loss. When I come to take stock of my 2009, how things have changed and what new friendships have formed, I will be very, very proud to consider you on that list.
Much love xx
So what that your blog is a bit more dreary than your Twitter updates. Blogs serve different purposes to different people. Maybe your blog allows you to put your baggage out there in the Universe so you are able to be more positive in other areas in your life. If that’s the case, then it’s all good.
Really… no doom and gloom here. A little introspective that’s all.
You can write whatever you like on your blog and if it has become somewhere sombre and to reflect, that’s no bad thing if that’s what you need it for at the moment. Don’t go worrying about your readers! Life deals us funny cards from time to time and we do what we can with them.
I know what you mean about the deleting from Facebook thing too. I did something similar with a particular group of people recently. They were just bad weight in my life, crowding my news feed with stuff that made me feel bad and held me in the past in a way that I no longer wanted. So I chopped the whole lot of them. Within an hour, one had re-requested me. It made me really mad actually. I felt like: “Look, I have deleted you. Leave me alone!”
I love the lyrics as post titles — if only I’d thought of that! If you’re going to do it, you need to do it right; you’re missing a ‘drip’ (and some punctuation ;-) ) from the title of this post. Fact check: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/z/zoe/sunshine+on+a+rainy+day_20276204.html
last years girl aw thanks chick thats really nice of you, id say the same about you!
somi thats very true, i wouldnt put all this on my mates, id depress them too much, sometimes i just want to scream and instead it comes out something like this instead, its pretty theraputic!
Brennig too much introspection some times
bluespup not one of them seems to have noticed! i agree though, reading their updates made me feel bad and now i feel a hell of a lot freerer, one day i shall be free of social networking!
Martin one day im going to do a comp about all the lyrics. as for the title, i used to think it said “slip, slip, slip away”, so i was totally wrong. Thanks for popping by :)