Where am I going to? You'll get by, you always have before, where am I going to?
Packing up my emotions into boxes and storing them away in deep dark recesses is something i’ve become particularly good at over the years.
But that’s normal, we all have a lot of baggage we try our hardest not to carry over into our next relationship; even if (like me) your break ups have been relatively simple, there is always some residue left over – maybe because he once described you as a size bigger than you are (or more embarrassingly, the reverse for men). These things stay with you for a long time.
But emotional baggage isn’t restricted to well, emotions, baggage can also be physical, those physical reminders that you still carry with you – a house, a ring, a box of letters, photos, (or for me, a photo under the bed that the kitten keeps dragging out however many times I hide it) – things you know you should have shredded, thrown away, buried or left behind a long time ago.
Love can die, but be careful, a banana skin is sitting sneakily around the corner, cleverly disguised as a box of letters.
Last night as I began to clear my out my life ready for the move, I found that box of letters, photos, tickets, vip passes, diaries. Then I looked at the engagement ring I still wear and the shoes I wore to that date, and the books he introduced me to and listened to the music that makes me cry and I thought, if I had none of this surrounding me, where would I be now? Who would I be now?
And then I thought that carrying some of this baggage with me is my way of never having to look back; the potential banana skins prove I’m still alive. And that I decided was a good thing. You can move on too much sometimes…
Kx
My phone broke the other day so I had to use an old one. I switched it on and it still had around 860 text messages on it – nearly all of them from the ex. I read through a chunk of them, and the sent messages which were still on it – then clicked ‘delete all’. 860 sweet nothings, i love yous, I miss yous, goodnights, when can I see yous, gone. Just like that. I’d rather well thought out physical reminders than impulsive electronic ones.
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Interesting point, i hadnt thought about texts and emails. Last time the boy and i broke up i deleted all his texts in one go as well, and untagged myself from pictures of him.
Because we record so much electronically now – it makes it even harder to let go of electronic baggage as well…
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