Like a sum the mathematician cannot solve, like me trying my hardest to explain
As you might have gleaned from previous posts The Boy and I have been seeing each other again. Fireworks! Celebrations! Balloons! Champagne! Or not; despite the fact it has been my decision to take Mr Spineless (as one person called him) back for the 3rd time, it seems everyone has an opinion; albeit theirs is the only one that is right. Relationships, once you have been through at least one break up, seemingly become public property.
Everyone at some point has called their mate’s ex a bastard. These things are said without thinking, to make people feel better, to help them move on. Ridicule is common, his (or her) faults picked over, masculinity torn to shreds. At the end of a relationship there is always a bastard (or of course, a bitch)
But most of the time the person being called the name is not a bastard; Bastards cheat, bastards lie. Bastards do not sit you down and say ‘sorry I do not see a future right now’. Bastards are not honest about their feelings. Bastards do not walk away because they think it is the right thing to do – for you, for them, for the both of you.
I’ve always been a firm believer that you can’t judge a person unless you have walked a mile in their shoes (or spent time in their relationship). It’s easy to judge someone as they have hurt someone you love. But when they do something that whilst painful, is heartfelt, does not a bastard make.
It is easy to throw insults, it’s easy to sit on the fence and make a snap judgement. Yes, I might be naïve, but until he does something to deserve being called a bastard, I’m not calling him one.
and that my friends is why he’s had another chance.
Kx
So many people judged me for taking C back. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know. And it’s so true that noone really has any idea what’s happened in a relationship apart from the two people involved.
So I think you should go for it. Otherwise you’ll never know what might have been x
Which is why I try never to say such things after a breakup, unless they are merited: I’ve been in that position a few times, and you never know what to say to the friend afterwards…
I am happy that the two of you are giving it another go if you are xx
If Mr W listened to his friends who called me a bitch and every other horrible name under the sun when we broke up a few years ago due to me being honest about my feelings for someone else we’d not be back together now, stronger than ever and married.
Fucking bravo!
I havent read the protected posts, but I have been the cynical friend before…and most of it comes down to people caring about you getting hurt. Ultimately, it’s friends who pick up the pieces of failed relationships, and whilst they’ll probably warn you against making a mistake, when it all works out they’ll support you too. As I said in a post the other day, other people often see what you can’t. Sometimes it’s good to listen to their advice, other times not. It’s your call. Good luck, I hope he can see a better future now. x
Thanks everyone
Jo the p/w post is about something else, not this.
Yes that’s good advice, especially as i have said that before. However, calling someone names is never a good idea. Advice yes, slagging off, no. As Miss*H said, you never know what is going to happen!