Angle of the mirror so carefully aligned, wardrobe full of tricks and illusions…
We are all superficial creatures; humans (and animals) are visual in nature, particularly when it’s to do with the rules of attraction.
(Of course attraction is made up of a lot of elements – but how someone looks is always the first on the list – which is why I kinda like Dating in the Dark – it just proves the theory that looks will always trump personality)
Us women with our need to be emotionally understood just don’t get that men see things a lot more simply – or to put it more controversially – more superficially. Looks for men are important – looks with regards to sexual feelings are even more so.
(Men watch porn, we women read porn. Ok, this doesn’t fit into the square box i’m describing all that well – women in porn aren’t usually great looking, but they do have a certain ‘sexy look’)
We women always seem to demand that our men love us ‘however we look’; that unwashed hair, greying pants and baggy trackies is a good look. It isn’t.
How come women see nothing strange about with dressing up to go out with our friends on a night out – fake tan, fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake height, fake tummies, fake boobs? Is it because women demand these things? Actually, no, we women insist that we should be loved the same however we look. To us, dressing up is just a superficial sheen; it’s not us, it’s a just a bit of fun.
The dressing up, whilst it does make you feel good I must admit, is always for men. Subconsciously we know men are superficially creatures and in fact love this superficial side of us.
Not that men see our dressing up as superficial – they see the hot sexy chick they met in a club as ‘us’. That’s the one with the post break up weight loss, designer pulling gear and all the fakery that imbeds our sexy asses into their minds after just one drink. That’s the one he met, fancied, and then fell in love with. However much love depends on emotions and connections and a love of match of the day on Saturday nights – that sexy look is how he sees you. And will always see you.
And why we complain about this – ill never know….
Kx
P.s – girls and guys – any views?
Ok i’ll jump in first. If i dress up it’s almost never for men it’s to stop myself being sneered at or looked at by other women. When you’re out with a group of girlfriends how often do you critically appraise other women’s outfits including those of your friends.
When you are hunting for a partner (man or woman) i think you do make an effort to look your best in order to be noticed…however once you are in a relationship with someone surely it should be based on so much more than how you look? It should be about trust, love, mutual understanding, common ground and the ability to make each other happy. None of that is based on how you look.
Sure it’s nice to have someone who looks good to go out with and ‘show off’ to your friends but why do you think as many attractive couples relationships fail as much as ordinary people? Because it’s not about how good you look together it’s about how well you work together.
Hmmm. A few things. I agree with LizSara that women often dress up to compete with other women. But there’s no point pretending that men aren’t more superficial. But at least women know how to impress a man. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, men haven’t got a clue how to impress women. We’re building bridges, going into space…
And one more thing, if we’re playing battle of the sexes. On a superficial level, women are also attracted to bastards; men who treat them badly. And a nice boy like myself has to learn to be more like that to compete. So it goes both ways, I guess.
Del – I’m not attracted to bastards. Not at all. I just seem to end up with men who start out nice but end up being bastards. All I’ve ever wanted is a nice boy to treat me the way I deserve to be treated!
PS: Smidge – Don’t I get a link anymore? Sob :p
Indeed, quite controversial. I don’t know if men are more superficial in that respect – certainly there’s a lot of evidence that I could bring to the table which would indicate that women are just as capable of that as we are (perhaps less obviously – and to both genders), but perhaps that’s not the point here.
Competition is the key thing, regardless of gender. We have it biologically imprinted inside us and then socially layered onto us, and it affects us all, in a myriad different ways.
I’m sure there was some research done a few years ago which actually concluded that most long-lasting couples were found to be (or judged to be) of the same “level” of attractiveness, which seems to indicate that we (male and female) like the idea of having a very beautiful partner in principle or for temporary relationships but in practice we tend to form relationships of longevity with partners who are more or less as attractive as we are.
Anyway, I’ll certainly agree that genuine attractiveness and beauty can indeed be found outside of “glammed up” circumstances. Personally, I think that it’s perfectly possible to think someone else is at their most attractive when they don’t think they are, or when they have made no effort to be . i.e. when they are just simply being themselves.
Helen on my blog list? hum thats strange… ill fix that! xx
I have to agree with the other comments regarding women actually dressing up more for other WOMEN, than men. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was partially to impress men too. Sometimes not even men who I’m actually going to SEE on that occasion – but I want certain ones to think i look great when they see the pictures of the event afterwards…