My life began when happy smiled, Sweet, like candy to a child
A long time a go I told my mother that I had never been happy; when I call my mother having had a bad day, I can hear that she remembers it, down the line, in her voice. I can know she worries about me, that I never seem to grab life with both hands and throw myself at it.
But, something stops me. I always worry about how other people see me, not how i see myself and how I face the world. I understand now that whilst being happy relies much on other people’s actions for the good times in your life, those good times won’t happen unless you are happy. Catch 22.
I guess as I have got older that I have accepted my lot. I’m never going to be the life and soul of the party – I’m too controlled. I’m never going to be popular – I’m too self absorbed. I’m never going to be flamboyant, I’m never going to be exuberant, I’m never going to be happy happy HAPPY.
But I can enjoy the small things, but I can be the best friend you have ever had, I can be there for you when you need me, at any time, I can big you up, I can give advice, I can make a mean cosmopolitan for the days you just want to forget. And I can remember that doing all these things these days make me happy. And that’s’ all I need to be happy.
One day i might even reach out and grab the other things I deserve.
Kx
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P.s In amongst the mundane, this week has provided me with a number of bright sparks, ending with the homemade cosmopolitans my friend I and I consumed on Saturday night whilst discussing (read: gossiping) multiple topics, not least my last couple of blog posts. The chat helped clear my head, indeed, I feel happier with the current situation than I have in a long time – I guess a good start was me accepting that I was passing the blame of my funk on to someone else. So thanks to all of you who commented, listened, emailed and helped me out. Thank you x
P.p.s Im rather excited as i might have a new writing job(?) coming soon… watch this space.
P.p.p.s Girls – head over to Secret Lady Garden where we have a new post from Ria liani so go check it out, i’ll be back soon with a new post myself…
Really good to see you happier my lovely. And I demand a cosmopolitan or two next time I’m in Edinburgh! x
I agree with your post – especially about how our happiness so much dependent upon others. However, I for one believe in being happy every single day. I try and smile even when I’m burning inside as I want to make sure my friends and people around me don’t suffer just because I’m having a bad day.
I like your posts. Keep these interesting / thought provoking blogs coming.
Cheers
Thanks for a brilliant night lady! The cocktails were definately lethal – but provided for a great night had by all :)
On another note, I’m really glad you’re more settled with yourself these days. Maybe a move was all you needed so you could shake the sub-conscious memories of P in the old place and make some new memories with B in the new place
xxx
p.s. You never want to be 100% happy, it’s good to have 1 thing to moan about…
haha!
helen they were rather yummy and yes, im finally getting happier (however long it lasts!)
MrP hello and welcome and thanks for the compliments! Although always happy people scare me, i want to stab them with a fork.
me! very true… all of it. time to move on and upwards!