So, with the final money from the LTE buy out of our house winging its way electronically along the airways, comes the conclusion of the last 9 years of my life.

Closure is always seen as something positive; to draw a line as something you can move onwards and upwards from. A time to start afresh, to embrace the fool and start the cycle of life all over again.

But things are never cut and dried. I guess that i have always held on to the remnants of my past for too long, unhappy to let go of what once was, unhappy to really understand that i cant go back, that there is only forward from now on.

Unhappy to leave things behind.

I don’t like wide open spaces, the feeling that anything could and can happen is alien to me. I like boxes, nicely parcelled up. This is my friends, this is my work, this is where i express myself, this is where i am quiet, this is what i enjoy.

All stacked one on top of each other and never the twain shall meet.

I guess i am stubbornly refusing to accept change.

Even my illness is put into a box, an illness that is part of me, that sometimes i hold on to with both hands because in the wide open spaces it is something that is mine, that controls me, guides my life on a daily basis.

I’m rambling i know. Away from the real point of this post – that i have to let go. I have to face fears and take a step away from what has gone before, away from what controls me. Open some boxes and let what ever has gone dusty in there feel some fresh air.

To be free is to be happy and to be happy is to be free.

Kx