So today is my work’s Christmas lunch.

I can break my no talking about work with this one, as really Christmas lunch isn’t about work is it?

 Ok, i’m lying, the Christmas lunch/night out is the most work related thing you will have to do all year. It’s a bloody minefield….

1)      If you get there first, even if you try to sit in the middle so you can speak to everyone you will end up between two groups, neither of which will speak to you.

2)      Who you sit next to determines the future of your career. If you end up next to the bloke who never changes his jacket – then you are thought of the same way.

3)      Cliques in work are the same as cliques out of work. No one really is more friendly with a drink inside them and if they are they always seem to forget the following Monday.

4)      Turkey is awful – why eat it twice? – you can have curry instead – Christmas wont die just because you do.

5)      Following the meal you will always end up in random bars in a random part of town, just to carry on drinking. Your work mate’s choice is never your choice, but you go with the expensive drinks, bad atmosphere and awful music ‘just because it’s Christmas’.

6)      There is always one person who gets reeking drunk. This is usually the same person every year. Their behaviour is always a signal to get the hell out of there before things get really bad.

7)      If you end up snogging a work mate then the best option is never to talk about it again and deny it even happened in your own head – if you have to face the workmate again carry on with your job obliviously.

8)      Don’t have regrets – Don’t be the last one standing. Don’t try to guess your boss’s salary. Don’t start mixing drinks. Don’t start buying rounds. Don’t start suggesting clubbing.

9)      Do just leave – no one really cares that you are leaving – you are stopping the fun and will moan at you to stay, they won’t notice if you just go.

10)  Make sure that you have a party to go to afterwards – you’ll need to get properly drunk as soon as you leave!

 Happy works Christmas Do!

 Miss S x