I’m rather ba-humbug about Christmas this year.

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s the 21^st December and I have yet to get a tree – despite last year practically getting one on the 1st.

Or maybe it’s because i’m ho-hum about the presents I’ve bought folk – not terribly inspiring I must say.

Possibly it’s because i’m worried about getting home at all for it – my parents live high up in the Pennines and are currently snowed in having fun teaching an Australian baby to sledge.

(Someone told me, or I read it somewhere, that you know that you are an adult when your first reaction when you see snow is ‘oh god’ rather than ‘oh goody’ – tramping about dirty, crowded streets in the ice and wind is not my idea of fun – give me a mountain, fresh air and quiet instead.)

If I wanted to do a little more head dabbling, I could say its because my sister en famille are over from Australia and the attention will be focused around the extended rather than the close, but that just makes me sound bitter and twisted and rather ungrateful – and i’m looking forward to giving my nephew such a hug.

But it also could be the fact that I’m working right up to Christmas Eve instead of like last year harumphing off home quick smart (after getting dumped) – there is nothing like the anticipation of Christmas sat in front of the fire with your feet up gossiping with your papa over a whiskey late at night.

But maybe, really, truthfully, its because i’m nervous of things going wrong, of putting my trust in waking up on Christmas morning with kisses and smiles and presents, of happiness and family and friends on New Year when last year was so dark and empty and cold.

But maybe this does me good to remember, as it’s so easy to forget those who are going through it very alone.

But maybe, hopefully, thankfully, this year Christmas will be a little different, a little shinier, and a little happier for us all.

Miss S xx