Turing up with your jewellery on (Oh yeah) Making moves with your lipstick on
5 Jan
I look like a lesbian. Well, that’s according to a few ‘friends’ of mine anyways. Optimistically I’m presuming they mean a hot lipstick style lesbian rather than Ellen DeGeneres, but considering the footwear I’ve been rocking over Christmas (it is impossible to make hiking boots and boyfriend jeans sexy, but needs must with all this snow) they might have a point.
…Not that I’m really bothered about being told I look like a lesbian, we women are amazing, we don’t have any ugly bits (apart from the occasional pmt moment), and we smell of flowers so being occasionally confused with someone who appreciates the feminine side of the road really doesn’t bother me. Nor does it bother The Boy as we always fancy the same women…
But I digress; this isn’t about me coming out for the coming of the New Year but a precautionary tale of how my attempts to be more lipstick backfired on me spectacularly.
I’ve written before that I have been attempting to be more girly and for a party last Saturday I decided to enlist the help of someone I’ve been trying to get closer too (…talking about something they are keen on I have found, helps; in this case, making me look like less like a lesbian..)
Their first suggestion was of course a dress. Which I laughed at, lots. I own three dresses: the first – a baby doll – which on every occasion I have worn it has prompted the question – ‘are you pregnant?’ (..which would not go down well at a family party), the second was for an eighties glam party for my 30th, which i no longer have the stomach for and the third is the one I wear to weddings, which is far too glam and expensive to be worn to a bowling club. Through the laughter, the second suggestion was nice trousers and top and heals. Hum, I do own black trousers, but due to the fact I am less than 5 foot tall, most of my trousers have hems that have been dragged through god knows what, not very girly, nor glam.
So i would have to face the sales and go shopping.
30 minutes and one shop later (Jenners) I had appropriated a pair of flat fronted skinny silver cigarette pants, a 4 inch pair of shoe boots and a black shiny racer back vest. Glam, but still with the hint of my rock chick boyish looks.
Done.
Fast forward four glasses of wine and four hours of The Singing Kettle does an adult party and I’m happily jiving away with a random bloke when he lets go of my hand and I go flying across the floor, falling off the heals and scattering the party as I end up in the centre of the room unable to get up.
Classy.
3 days later I’m still hobbling around in slippers unable to put weight on my foot properly. I’m feeling rather sorry for myself, especially as I had also come a cropper on New Years Eve on the ice, bruising my hip, arm and hand. So, basically my entire left side is out of action.
As is my career as a lipstick lesbian.
Where did i put my hiking boots again?
Miss S xx
I look like a lesbian too. Even to lesbians.
I’m okay with that.
And I know that the lesbians like the way I look because they are always asking me out.
I dress like a boy. Sort of. I guess maybe that’s why people think I’m gay. Right now I’m wearing a grey v-neck sweater (I’m always wearing v-neck sweaters), a men’s white v-neck undershirt, a pair of “boyfriend fit” pants from the Gap, and boots. And a very luxe orange cashmere scarf.
I have on eyemake up, that says something, right? And my hair, while practically buzzed up the back is longer in front. So I’m not all KD Lang or anything.
One time someone called me a Dyke Bitch. That hurt my feelings because it was said with such malice. Not because someone thought I was gay. Or bitchy.
I say rock it, girl.
Be comfortable and happy with who you are.
[Reply]
If you find that you can truly make a career as a lipstick lesbian, I’m so in. I’ll be there in a heart beat.
I don’t dress up a whole lot so I go with a pretty standard black dress. It makes my attempts much easier.
Hope your left side heals soon!
[Reply]
I find lesbians always ask me out too.
Though the Boy does not find this an issue as he appreciates the attention i get from girls (don’t all guys like the idea?)
I think i do rock who i am, its just other people’s opinions that get to me, especially really girly girls who want to pretty me up!
[Reply]
Firstly, you totally don’t look like a lesbian!
And as for heels – I am NOT good at them at all. I usually end up wearing ballet pumps when I go out, despite being a short-ass.
[Reply]
smidge Reply:
January 6th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Thank you, but on a day to day basis i’m afraid i do look like a lesbian. Even the boy despairs from time to time with me!
[Reply]
Your outfit sounds fab! I’ve been wearing heels since I was about 14 and I still fall over so don’t worry too much!!
[Reply]
i am not a big fan of heels. i hardly ever wear then and if i do they are baby heels, not fancy stilettos
[Reply]
smidge Reply:
January 6th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
But i looooove heals. I am building a collection of lovely designer shoes. Maybe ill never be able to wear them, but i can lust after them!
[Reply]
Firstly, I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body so I know where you are coming from :p
Secondly, and I think I have said this before, but hiking boots and jeans just work on the right girl. Own it and save the dresses for weddings or special summer days.
[Reply]