while you’ve been carving this stone all alone
If you have ever lost your hearing due to a cold then you’ll understand what I feel like today. However, as I am partially deaf in one ear it causes a double problem. I feel like I’m living in a bubble. Everything has a soft edge punctured by pain on occasion, pain in swallowing, pops and whistles that go on for hours.
My deafness has never really been a problem, apart from times like these. I hated getting hearing aids, I think I was about 14 before they realised I wasn’t just antisocial. Switching them on, I could hear things that for years I didn’t know existed. I could hear people in other rooms, hear conversations I didn’t want hear and I could no longer retreat into my own little world.
…and then there was the teasing. 4 foot 11, glasses and hearing aids at 14 with the added problem of a late puberty meant that I was the subject of taunts and laughter and dates with the only deaf boy.
So I stopped wearing them.
Of course there are many things that I must have missed out on; groups, clubs, noisy rooms are all a problem to me. But then so is my self esteem. Without my hearing aids there is no outward sign that I have this problem, no one will know unless I tell them.
No one will ever tease me for this. No one will pigeonhole me as ‘deaf’. I have enough to be getting on with, with out that to deal with as well.
But today, I understand.
I understand completely – while not as badly as you i go deaf in one ear completely when i have a cold now and had all sorts of things shoved in my ears as a child to make me hear better.
Also, earache is such a horrible pain
I’ve always had really good hearing (I always assumed it was because I had such supremely horrendous eyesight that my hearing had to be extra good) but the few times my ears have been blocked up I have absolutely HATED it. I feel that “trapped in a bubble” feeling you mention and it’s so weird . . . like when I speak, it echoes inside my head but I’m not sure whether anyone else has heard it. It’s really odd.
Hope you feel better soon, sweetie. It’s just not a nice feeling at all.
Since I was 7 till around 14 when I started wearing contact lenses I had been pigeon-holed as blind thanks to high myopia (-14.00 on both eyes), hereditary condition with a threat of retinal detachment. Since I started wearing contact lenses it hasn’t bothered me, but I very well remember the day when I came to school for the first time wearing contact lenses not glasses with thick lenses. The difference in people’s behaviour (including some teachers) was enormous. When I lost one contact lens and had to go to a lecture wearing glasses when at the uni people would give up their seat on the tram for me. Well I guess I look a bit handicapped in my glasses.
As to your hearing – as there are things I certainly wouldn’t like to see, I guess there are things you should be happy you can’t hear. For example the hissing of the radiator at work pisses me off and since I’m on my own in the office today I’m playing Muse really loud ;)
Hope you’ll feel better soon. Something’s out there in Edinburgh, my other half has a serious case of manflu ;)