Don’t forget thou is condemned to me (again)
10 Mar
I have news about the Boy and I habitation situation. We have set a date. In exactly 50 days time he will be packing up his extensive wardrobe and hot footing it across town to join me in living in sin bliss.
(Although I’ll officially be a miss again by then so it’s not quite as wicked as it could have been, he has been going out with someone else’s wife for the last 2 years after all)
As this will be the third time I’ve had the joy of coupledom with a man I’ve had plenty of time to formulate my rules of successful co-habiting. Much like my last relationship list, this is tongue firmly in cheek stuff. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments – a bloke’s opinion is especially welcome!
Thou shalt not squeeze the toothpaste from the top, nor leave it a twisted mess on the side of the sink, cap open with blue paste all over the sink, taps and mirror. Thou shalt not leave shaving hairs all over the sink or newspapers beside the toilet. Grazia and Glamour however are acceptable.
Thou shalt take charge of emptying the bins, the recycling boxes, reaching heavy things down from the top cupboard, and various other manly things.
Thou shalt not steal my socks, or shout at me for the lack of said clean socks or pants. Thou shalt learn that the place dirty socks and pants live is in the washing basket, not in the corner of the bedroom.
Thou shalt refrain from using the term “helping out” and take responsibility for half of the cooking, cleaning and de-cat hairing. I shalt take responsibility for cleaning the bathroom however, as men do not see dirt in the same way women do.
Thou shalt learn to relinquish the remote control. Whilst thou might think this is a god given mans right, there is more to life than family guy and sky sports news. Soccer AM is however acceptable, or any programme that involves close ups of hot men in shorts.
Thou shalt give warning when one will be returning home to a sea of boys, pizza boxes, beer bottles and fag smoke. A bottle of wine, a box of chocolates and my choice of film on the tv can be used on one occasion every month if thou forget this rule.
Thou shalt not question how your co-habitee spends their evenings off. Spending 4 hours on twitter whilst eating crisps with Glee on in the background is always acceptable and a woman’s god given right. Glee can be replaced with whatever award show is currently on for comedy twitter reading purposes.
If thou wishes any junk food to be added to the shopping list, notice must be given. Complaining about lack of various illuminous foodstuffs after the event is also discouraged and will result in a ban on said foodstuffs for an undefined period of time. Buying them yourself is however, acceptable.
Thou shall still ‘date’ your co-habitee. Just because one now resides in the same bed every night does not mean that meals and trips to the cinema and cocktails in fancy bars has been relinquished for a life of TV watching and avoiding boys nights in. Thou shalt learn the gift of give and take or how to order a takeaway.
Thou accept that your behaviour will now be blogged for comedy purposes.
Providing that you follow these simple commandments your life will be filled with all that you desire, including regular consent to rumpy pumpy.
Ah….men
I agree that we don’t see dirt in the same way that those of a female persuasion do. Whenever I’m sure something is ‘clean’, I’ll be shown exactly what it is I’ve missed! But it’s all about the learning, isn’t it?! B-)
All seems in line to me. Can’t imagine you’ll get many complaints! (Unless you bring in other ‘unwritten’ rules that he has to guess at!)
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Absolutely brilliant – love it!
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I used to squeeze the toothpaste from the top! The (ex)Boy used to go mad!
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it sounds reasonable to me… too bad I’m taken…
LOL!
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I don’t like rules. I prefer reasonable expectations. Rules have a habit of coming back to bite one in the arse.
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Can’t believe you missed the inevitable toilet seat rule that us blokes get hammered about ! Oh and the suggestion that he brings earplugs with him…………………………
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