Oh, you never turned around to see the frowns
I can’t sit with my back to the door. This is mainly because I hate it, although it’s partly because I am a people watcher, a nosy parker if you will. Yes, you and your friend, both with your hood ups, indoors I am judging you. Yes you with your fake Hermes scarf nonchalantly tied sideways on your neck, I am judging you. Yes and you who wont have a conversation with me unless your pal is with us, I am especially judging you.
I know for a fact this girl is not shy, not socially unskilled. I hope that she isn’t just rude. But sitting in silence is not enjoyable or fun, nor is forcing the conversation and receiving monosyllabic answers. She talks to everyone else, animatedly, happily joking and making sarcastic comments. To me, she just sits there, a sour look on her face, cats bum like lips.
Yes, I judge you, because you seem to be judging me. But as I sat there judging her for her attitude towards me I wondered how often people judge me. I wondered if she had some reason for judging me, right at that minute that meant she just didn’t want to talk to me.
Yes, I am shy, yes I have some issues socially, but if I am honest I often just feel different to other people. I know I occasionally make people paranoid, because they see that I see their frivolity as vacuous and skin deep. I wondered how often I come across as superior and an ice queen (as I was once called), or if I am too serious, or to involved with my job or my degree or if my stories are just too boring…But when the chat is all about ‘lets get on it’ it makes me want to leave, to laugh and say, do you really need to ‘get on it’ to have a good time, is your life so unfilled that you need to enforce fun to get through every day?
The more I people watch, the more I start to understand that inside we are all outcasts, all trying to fit in somewhere. The more I understand that accepting myself is the first step in becoming happy, in having friends who get me, because I get myself.
And I take one more step…
Oh, you never turned around to see the frowns
On the jumpers and the clowns when they did their tricks for you
You never understood that it ain’t no good
You shouldn’t let other people get your kicks for you
Dylan – Like a Rolling Stone
I have a similar situation. The girl I believe encouraged the woman in my work to complain IS THAT GIRL! She has always been off with me. She makes me feel socially inept and stupid around her (despite the fact that I know that SHE is the socially inept one really). She also seems to have gone out of her way to try and cultivate MY friends as HER friends, as if to prove that it is just me she has the problem with.
I’m at a loss. I don’t particularly want to be her friend, but I dislike the way she makes me feel.
Urgh, I know girls like that. Maybe she is jealous of you, its one reason why girls go out of their way to steal other girls ‘lives’…
(Although This one i THINK might have a wee crush on my man, she is overly chatty to him, but not with me. Its one possible reason)
The BITCH!!!!