Some men find her sexy, some men disagree, but if she’s not, it’s not because she doesn’t want to be
My mornings go something like this…
5am – I or the boy get out of bed to feed the cats. We have a strict rota system.
(One that I can cheat by sneakily feeding them at midnight, but shhhh!)
5.01am – cats are locked out of bedroom.
7am – I or the boy get out of bed to open the bedroom door to let the kitten in who has been scratching for 10 minutes to get in for a cuddle.
7.01am – yelping ensues as kitten sticks claw in foot to wake me up.
7.02am – kitten licks face and purrs in ear. Kitten gets cuddle. Kitten sits on chest. Kitten is kicked off bed.
7.15am – tomcat rattles blinds to go outside, gets sworn at.
7.30am – first alarm goes off, I switch it off and roll over. Snore.
8.30am – second alarm goes off. Boy growls at me to get up.
8.36am – I finally get out of bed
8.37am – cats start whining for more food.
8.38am – I shower, put on whichever of my 5 work outfits (3 dresses, one pair smart trousers) I have yet to wear that week, search for un-laddered tights, dry hair, put on make up. Search for hairbrush kitten has hidden under sofa. Find 3 missing lighters and a sock.
9am – make fresh coffee, watch news headlines, turn over to Elaine and feel sick as she is always cooking something vile too early in the morning. Drink coffee. Smoke fag. Check bus times. Do teeth.
9.23am – kiss boy goodbye, leave house and run for bus.
9.45am – smoke another fag, arrive at work.
10am – start work.
That’s right; it takes me 3 hours every day from the moment I wake up to starting work. I think that is a little excessive don’t you? I wish I could make my mornings more efficient and actually get up at 7.30am. The problem is that however early I get up I always seem to arrive at work at 9.45am.
Most of the problem seems to be my ability to be a proper domestic slut. I am lazy. I don’t spend my Saturdays washing my work uniform and Sunday’s ironing each outfit for each day and hanging them up perfectly in order for that weeks meetings. Instead I scrabble around for whichever has been washed and the iron rarely leaves the cupboard. I’m not dirty; i’m just disorganised. Tonight I am going to have to wash and tumble dry every piece of underwear I own because yes, that’s right, I have run out…and I own enough to fill up an entire machine.
The boy seems to be in awe of my messiness. I catch him standing in the bedroom, pristine jumper in hand admiring the crinkled mess that I have left my expensive John Smedley dress in and the amount of cat hair on the black jeans I usually wear to work on a Friday. His clothes are ordered, hung up and protected. Mine are flung on a chair, on the chest of drawers and shamefully still in the bag I took to my friends house last weekend. My clothes look old, his like they have never been worn.
I need lessons in domesticity, I might still be a student, but I need to stop acting like one. I need rules for adulthood…so here we go…
1) I will get home and get changed so not to wear out fancy stuff.
2) I will hang up my clothes straight away and not leave them for the cats to use as a bed.
3) I will wash my work wardrobe on a Saturday.
4) I will not then leave said work wardrobe in the machine for 2 days.
5) I will remove nail polish from weekend before it becomes chipped and nasty (so not professional) and replace with a more appropriate colour than silver.
6) I will not throw on boots to hide ladders or unshaven legs.
7) I will not continue to wear socks with my heals. Particularly if they are odd. This is not work professional.
8) I will throw away socks that have lost their partners, or search for them under the sofa more regularly.
9) I will clear out, at least once a week the odd items of clothing that fester at the bottom of my washing basket and therefore are never worn as they don’t fit neatly into the only two washes I ever do ‘blacks’ or ‘whites’.
10) I will get my trousers taken up rather than walking round with safety pins on the hems.
Ahem. That looks worse written down…
Are you a domestic slut or a pristine working girl? What would your rules be?
I’m better than I used to be. But still a patron of the school of messiness. I always run out of underwear. I rarely hang work clothes up. I do, however, do a massive tidy up every weekend. So I create mess but then tidy it. That’s no so bad is it? Ahem.
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I am totally the opposite although i haven’t used an iron in 5 years. Every Sunday unless its raining i do my weeks laundry, my work trousers get hung up when i get changed when i get home and my tops go in the wash.
Also the cat and dog (although given he’s too old to stand up on his own the dog seems unlikely to try) aren’t allowed upstairs at all so i don’t have the fur/miaowing problem either
simples!
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I get up and ready in an hour and ten minutes. I get up at my first alarm and have just started fitting in sitting down and eating cereal….
…I’m pretty tired and stick to a routine BUT I’m not so good at hanging up my clothes.
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I’m a domestic slut as well. I hate all that stuff and usually look like I’ve got dressed in the dark or been pulled backwards through a hedge.
I get out of bed about 7am usually and leave at half past after doing the washing routine, chucking clothes on and running out the door.
I own an iron but I have never used it. I contemplated using it last week – but only to iron the hems on my trousers with that white stuff you can get to stick them up (at the moment, like your trousers, the hems are held up with safety pins – I thought I was the only one!)
I only do my washing when I run out of clothes.
I only shave my legs if I am seeing my boy later that day.
I don’t wear nail polish because of the state my fingernails look when I inevitably leave it to chip off for weeks!
Personally, I think life is too short
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I’m actually alright at all this; I do laundry regularly and hang it all up, then iron the next day’s clothes at some point during the night before. What I’m bad at are the little things;
*removing nail polish (I’ll wear the same one for weeks, chipped or not!
*buying tights (I always end up with none, then decide “meh, that’ll do”
*leaving work stuff at home
But on the other hand, I’ve yet to experience the life of “proper office attire” (as you very well know), so it’s been fairly easy. We’ll see what happens as of Wednesday.
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The bit I find the funniest is that it only takes you 22 minutes to actually shower, dress, make-up and style your hair in among all that.
Total domestic slut here. You’ll be seeing that for yourself…
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I’m a slut although have perfected the fast departure for work.
I am down to 35 minutes from bed to work and 12 of that is driving and buying a coffee.
Clothes only ironed are as needed and the washing often done at 1 am when I realize the only pile of clothes are dirty ones.
I have to have a steady flow of guess to trick me into keeping the hose clean. A week without buddies and the house is a tip
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