a bitch is a bitch, just a bitch
Life is a bitch and then you pick yourself up and carry on…right? Right. No point in living otherwise. Life is far too short to wallow in the mire of feeling like shit.
(Slight back step here – If you need the password for the last 2 posts to find out what I am referring to here, then just ask, more personal posts usually have a p/w to protect the feelings of people who I know IRL reading this)
Anyways, it turns out that the best cure is to talk about it, say sorry, hug it out* and then go and get royally pissed. If not problem solved then problem masked for a while.
It also turns out that commitment takes work, actually, commitment takes commitment. Who knew being in something long term, wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone could be so hard?
(This, of course isn’t the first time I (we?) have come up against something like this. Almost this time last year I wrote this post, which is where my Tinkerbelle nickname came from)
I’m addicted to the magic of being in love. I always have, although I have often confused love with lust. Actually make that always confused love with lust. In fact, every relationship I have been in has been lust disguising itself as love. I couldn’t describe any of them as being real love – I see that now.
I once thought that once the spell between two people has been broken, it couldn’t be just magic’d back. But that’s lust, love is different. Love is not a spell, love is not magic, it is real and true and once love is there it’s bloody hard to break. Love does not fade; love does not change over time. My love for those I love will be enduring for ever. Anything else is not real love, but a poor shadow of what it could be.
But love is not clear cut, or nice, or perfect. Love is fading magic punctured by moments of pure pleasure.
We were people watching over dinner last night, watching the couples eating dinner together, all generations of couples – the new ones, the 2.5 year ones (like us!), the 30 years and the 50 year ones. What struck me about all of the couples was their ability to just ‘be’ with the other person. Whatever problems they may be having, they were there together.
It reminded me that whilst the fake spell of lust can not be maintained – and should not be maintained – trust, attraction, companionship and giggles, can.
I of course remain eternally hopeful that I am right about this.
The sugary coating of a relationship can not be maintained. When it exposes what lies underneath it can be difficult and make you feel like the spark has gone. What i have learnt is that actually i want to be with the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, the one i can see myself living with day in day out, my best friend if you will. This means that not you completely loose the spark but you can loose the lust that comes with those first months of a new relationship. Will i miss that, yes i will, but what i have more than makes up for it…and there will still be moments when he can make my stomach flip when he walks in a room. Commitment takes the most work i have ever seen, and i have never worked so hard at a relationship than this one…it means we have to choose a path together and we can no longer run on our own ones too long…every so often we both forget and wander and get selfish and have to pull each other back into it. The work is worth it though…and i suppose that is the bit you have to decide.
Ditto to your post and to the comment above. I agree that commitment takes a lot of work – but then it’s so good, safe and blissfully wonderful seeing that it pays off – and it does, even if there’s a rocky road ahead of you.