The lovely people (men?) at Men are Useless sent me a box of goodies to review. As I am not male I decided to let loose The Boy on my blog for a second time. Oh the shame… Anyways, please welcome The Boy!

It’s true, or in my case anyway: Men Are Useless!

I like being useless. If you’re useful, you are then in demand and you don’t get a minute’s peace. Are we useless then or just very clever?

I’m not so useless that I don’t know when the waitress at our local and regularly frequented Italian restaurant came (wrong choice of word?) onto my girlfriend! After Smidge had ordered the same chicken dish – which incidentally is tasty but doesn’t merit to be ordered each time we go – again, the waitress in a very sexy Italian accent said: ‘there might be other things on the menu that you might like more no?’ with a smile, followed by ‘how will you know if you never try? Ok, maybe next time then?’ Like I wasn’t even sitting there! I tell you, I’m glad I was and it seems that it has occupied little Smidge’s mind more than she’d care to admit…

Oh yeah, I’m meant to be talking about the little parcel that was posted through the door the other day.  Men Are Useless must have heard my prayers because if there’s anything that puts me in a bad mood, it’s going to do the weekly shop, which is where I normally purchase my manly grooming products.

With this little box of wonders I’ll never have to go to the supermarket again to look like a groomed little metro sexual. I can just send Smidge on a bus to lug all the heavy bags back, whilst I use the Moosehead Moose Mud Face Mask as I soak myself in a bathtub full of bubbles.

This little box has everything I need to look and smell great – even if I do say so myself. I wonder what it needs to include so that it’s me that gets hit on by the Italian waitress!

The King of Shaves Azor Razor, with the help of King of Shaves Shave Crème glides across your face, leaving you silky soft and ready for a fight. None of that sticking a tiny bit of toilet paper on your cheek, which ends up looking like a tiny little Japanese flag, after you’ve slit your face open on your girlfriend’s leg razor.

I like it! With this little heavenly package I can be even more useless from now on. And, who ever thinks of the Post Man? Dogs probably but we don’t. Look at today, it’s horrible but your Post Man is still out bringing you all your lovely bills and bank statements. Men are Useless thought of him and provide him with a little sweet to brighten up his day.

Isn’t that nice? Whilst he might be thankful for it now I’m sure he’d rather have a bone so he can throw it all those fuckin’ little yappy dogs!

So, it seems he likes the products and the packaging – they are rather smart – but is rather focused on the fact that I was chatted up by a girl rather than the point of Men are Useless in the first place….

Nevermind, leave it me as usual to explain. Men are Useless deliver boxes of goodies to boys every month for a set fee. They have two types of boxes – essential and the works at a good value price of £9.99 or £15.99. They even do a box for the non-shaver-beardy men out there. Don’t worry you can cancel, etc (best check out the FAQs, im not repeating it all here). So your man can be lazy all the time, not just when the washing up needs doing.

My favourite part of their site has to be their wall of shame. Ha! I particularly like this one – “”I just use whatever my wife has in the shower! Which means sometimes I smell like Vanilla and sometimes I smell like Roses!”

This is true with The Boy.

Anyways, check out the Men are Useless Twitter for more gems like this, from their team and other useless men out there! 

P.s Men are Useless did not pay me for this review, in fact all I got were the sweets as the products they sent me weren’t actually for me. But I might get a groomed boyfriend out of it so that is payment enough. If I don’t and he doesn’t use the products then I might just take that Italian waitress up on her offer!