he hasn’t proposed at…
I recently rather enjoyed Nutty Cow’s post on marriage (and the comments too, very enlightening) and it struck a cord with me on many levels, so if she doesn’t mind I am going to dip into the issue, but from a rather different point of view.
Most of you will know that I have been married already, for 10 years in fact (although that was mostly a very long divorce rather than a long marriage). Way back then (when I was 22) my views on marriage were, err, of the religious persuasion. It was the done thing, if you wish to spend time living with a man, well you married him. Forget the fact you bloody didn’t know each other, you learnt to know them. That is how marriages have always worked in the past and in essence they still do. I won’t be the same person as I am now in 40 years time.
Well, we all know how my first marriage ended, but it hasn’t changed my view on marriage. I still believe in it. I still want a husband and commitment and to have to work at it and my future children to have parents with the same last name.
Now, this is where I may differ a little to the point of Nutty Cow’s post.
Ok, you believe in marriage and want to get married (even if that is eventually) and you ask the question to establish that marriage and babies could in essence happen with each other.
It’s all gone well, both of you have said yes and barring any future non compatibility, laziness, fear, money, other women, the boys not wanting him to get married as they are all still single issues in the future you start to expect a proposal.
…and that is where the problems start.
You are now spending the rest of your relationship waiting for the bloody proposal! Every slightly romantic location becomes an opportunity, every half revealled conversation with your dad makes you think he’s actually asked him, every shopping trip down Rose Street means he is passing ring type shops and illiciting your opinion over new vs old, solitaire vs cluster… the opportunities to think too much into things are endless.
Arghhhhh, personally, i’d rather just not know and not be waiting around like a lemon waiting for him to finally make his mind up and just do it!
Miss S x
P.s- Edwardian Diamond Cluster ;)
I have nothing against marriage, but am definitely not waiting for the ring (as you probably know I’ve been engaged before but it never got to the next stage – and quite frankly I hated everything about my ex’s proposal, the ring included). Not waiting basically means I work on the relationship and make decisions here and now, as if we were indeed married. We’ve got a joint account and if we were to get a mortgage right now we would do it together and for me it’s enough of a commitment. I don’t want his surname, I don’t want a wedding band, I don’t want a dress anymore, I don’t want any of the wedding hassle, that makes the day more than it is. I only want him to tell me he loves me every now and then :)
Hehe – I’m with you… I think I’d rather the proposal was a surprise but I suppose there is something rather useful about discussing the proposal beforehand…
(Victorian half eternity in sapphire and diamond)
“Victorian half eternity in sapphire and diamond”
I’d have sapphires too, but in cluster rather than an eternity, my first was an eternity, diamond and citrines…
I’ve never understood peoples (and especially) womens obsession with marriage. Seriously what do you think will change? At the end of the day there is no more chance you will stay together than if you don’t marry.
Why can’t you just be with someone because you want to be with them? Buy the house, have the babies whatever, being married is no guarantee of anything, its a bit of paper. Get over it.
Maybe you shouldn’t comment with just your email address in future when it is registered to a ‘Do My Wife’ website. Maybe your view on marriage is the wrong way round not mine?
Agree with x. Marriage is an administrative procedure that makes a relationship into an obligation.